How to end negative self-talk and take charge

Before you embark on a new project or task, have you heard a little voice in your head discourage you relentlessly? It sounds like a well-wisher, but it’s just the opposite. Usually, the negative self-talk is pessimistic and unfairly critical. However, you can take the power back and end these self-limiting beliefs.

What’s Your Inner Critic’s Personality?

Your inner critic has a distinct voice. Find out which one yours sounds like:

Are you a worrier?

Does your mind immediately jump to the worst possible outcome? Does almost every new situation leave you feeling anxious about everything that can go wrong? If this sounds familiar, then your inner voice is most likely a worrier!

Are you over-judgemental?

When you falter, does a voice inside your head point out all the other times you’ve made a mistake? Do you hear yourself say, “Oh, why am I always such an idiot?” This inner critic is quick to point out your flaws and highlight your shortcomings.

Do you play the victim?

When you face a challenge, does something prompt you to give up even before you start, because it’s just “too hard”? Or what’s the point anyway, when everything just feels hopeless? You feel incapable, not smart enough and the obstacles feel insurmountable. The overwhelming feeling is of “I can’t”. This means you are in victim mode.

How to take back your power

Awareness is the first step. Next time your inner critic gets into negative self-talk, you can effectively nip it in the bud. Observe the script that usually follows and how it makes you feel, bringing down your enthusiasm or fostering anxiety. Use these strategies to take back charge:

Don’t take your inner critic seriously:

When the voice in your head rambles non-stop about all the things that can go wrong or how you always set yourself up to fail, remember this is not who you are in reality. The inner critic honestly doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

Who does it sound like?

Your inner critic picks up things people around you say. Ask yourself who it sounds like – is it a parent, sibling, authority figure or even the media? The “voice” is easily influenced and tends to echo what it hears all around, without it being true. Be careful what you expose it to and remember, the negative self-talk is not to be taken verbatim.

Play the observation game:

Notice where your thoughts go when faced with a stress-inducing situation. Does it follow a typical pattern? These limiting self-beliefs need not be permanent. You are still in charge. As you encounter this negative self-talk, recognise them for what they are and change the script. You always have a choice!

Here is how you can become aware of negative self-talk triggers:

Coming up with excuses: At times, when you’re faced with an opportunity or a task, the inner critic may spontaneously come up with reasons why you can’t do it. Check yourself when this self-limiting talk happens. For instance, ask yourself why it says you can’t do something. Before shutting down possibilities, what is it that you hear yourself say?

Generalisations: Sometimes, before you take up what could be a promising project, the inner critic may tell you that you can’t do it. Why? Because you “always” abandon projects midway; you can “never” be good enough; however hard you try, your boss or teacher “never” acknowledges your effort. These are all generalisations. Remind yourself of when this was not true. Or simply that you’ll never know unless you try! And the effort itself counts for something. 

Repetitive defeatist talk: We are all plagued by re-runs of stressful past events. Observe how your mind tends to dwell on a moment when you felt humiliated or felt the burden of failure or a lack of confidence. As we repeat these events to ourselves, this becomes the script of our life and how we see ourselves. Divert your mind when you see it going in this direction. Remind yourself that this was an event in your life and has nothing to do with the person you are.

So, next time you hear yourself say, “I’m always late” or “this always happens to me”, remember, it’s just your mind getting hijacked by your inner critic. It’s time to take back charge and end the negative self-talk.