‘Cinderella’: Poem by Ruhin Kaushal, Apeejay School, Saket

I guess you think you know this story
But you don’t. The real one’s much more gory
The phoney one, the one you know
Was cooked up years ago
And made to sound all soft and sappy
Just to keep the children happy
Mind you, they got the first bit right
The bit where in the dead of night
The Ugly Sisters with jewels and all
Departed for the Palace Ball
While darling little Cinderella
Was locked up in a slimy cellar
Where rats who wanted things to eat
Began to nibble at her feet
She bellowed ‘Help!’ and ‘Let me out!’
The Magic Fairy heard her shout
Appearing in a blaze of light, she said
‘My dear, are you all right?’
‘Am I alright?’ cried Cinderella. ‘Can’t you see?’
‘I feel as rotten as one can be!’
She beat her fist against the wall
And shouted, ‘Get me to the Ball!’
‘There is a disco at the palace!
The rest have gone and I am jealous!
I want a dress! I want a coach!
And earrings and a diamond brooch!
And silver slippers, two of those!
And lovely nylon panty-hose!
Done up like that I’ll guarantee
The handsome Prince will fall for me!’
The Fairy said, ‘Hang on a tick.’
She gave her wand a mighty flick and quickly,
In no time at all, Cindy was at the Palace Ball!
It made the Ugly Sisters wince
To see her dancing with the Prince.
She held him very tight and pressed
Herself against his manly chest
The prince himself was turned to pulp
All he could do was gasp and gulp
Then midnight struck. Cindy shouted, ‘Heck!
I’ve got to run to save my neck!’
The Prince cried, ‘No! Alas! Alack!’
He grabbed her dress to hold her back
As Cindy shouted, ‘Let me go!’
The dress was ripped from head to toe
She ran out in her underwear
And lost one slipper at the stair
The Prince was on it like a dart
He pressed the slipper to his pounding heart
‘The girl this slipper fits,’ he cried
Tomorrow morn shall be my bride!
‘I’ll visit every house in town
Until I’ve tracked the maiden down!’
Then rather carelessly, I fear,
He placed it on a crate of beer
At once, one of the Ugly Sisters
Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe
And quickly flushed it down the loo
Then in its place she calmly put
The slipper from her own left foot
Ah-ha, you see, the plot grows thicker
And Cindy’s luck starts looking sicker
Next day, the prince went charging down
To knock on all the doors in town
In every house, the tension grew
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was long and very wide
A normal foot got lost inside
Also it smelled a wee bit icky
The owner’s feet were hot and sticky
Thousands of eager people came to try it on
But all in vain. Now came the Ugly Sisters go
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, ‘No!’
But she screamed, ‘Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
So now you’ve got to marry me!’
The Prince went white from ear to ear
He muttered, ‘Let me out of here.’
‘Oh no you don’t! You made a vow!
There’s no way you can back out now!’
‘Off with her head!’ The Prince roared back
They chopped it off with one big whack
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
‘She’s prettier without her head.’
Then up came Sister Number Two,
Who yelled, ‘Now I will try the shoe!’
‘Try this instead!’ the Prince yelled back
He swung his trusty sword and smack
Her head went crashing to the ground
It bounced a bit and rolled around
In the kitchen, peeling spuds
Cinderella heard the thuds
Of bouncing heads upon the floor
And poked her own head round the door
‘What’s all the racket?’ Cindy cried
‘Mind your own business,’ the Prince replied
Poor Cindy’s heart was torn to shreds
My Prince! She thought. He chops off heads!
How could I marry someone?
Who does that sort of thing for fun?
The Prince cried, ‘What is this dirty rut?
‘Off with her hut! Off with her hut!’
Just then in a blaze of light,
The magic fairy came in sight
Her magic wand went swoosh and swish!
‘Cindy!’ she cried, ‘Come make a wish!
Wish anything and have no doubt
That I will make it come about!’
Cindy answered, ‘Oh kind fairy
This time I shall be more wary
No more Princes, no more money
I have had my taste of honey.
I’m wishing for a decent man
They’re so hard to find. Do you think you can?’
Within a minute, Cinderella was married to a lovely fellow
A simple jam-maker by trade
Who sold good home-made marmalade
Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
And they lived happily ever after