Breaking free from the ShouldStorm: Embracing Calm Parenting

In the age of social media and hyper-connectedness, the pursuit of perfection in parenting has become an elusive yet consuming goal for many. From meticulously curated Instagram feeds to countless articles and parenting forums prescribing the “right” way to raise children, the pressure to be a perfect parent is exhausting.

Paediatrician Alison Escalante sheds light on this phenomenon with her concept of the “ShouldStorm”. It’s a cultural tempest where parents are bombarded with endless directives about what they “should” do, leaving them anxious about every decision, big or small, regarding their children. Whether it is sleep training, feeding routines, discipline strategies or educational choices, the ShouldStorm relentlessly dictates the “right” path, breeding insecurity and self-doubt in its wake.

Picture this: A frazzled parent, desperately trying to navigate the turbulent waters of parenthood while constantly second-guessing themselves against an unattainable standard of perfection. It’s a scene all too familiar in today’s parenting landscape.

Enter Escalante’s Three Steps to Calm Parenting, offering a chance at sanity amid the storm of shoulds.

STEP 1 – SIGH

Take a deep breath. As simple as it sounds, the act of sighing can be a powerful tool in restoring a sense of calm amid the chaos of parenting. With each exhale, tension melts away, creating a space of respite where parents can momentarily detach from the shoulds and reconnect with their inner peace. It’s a moment to pause, to centre oneself, and to reclaim a sense of agency in the face of overwhelming expectations.

STEP 2 – SEE

In the eye of the ShouldStorm, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters: our children. Escalante encourages parents to shift their focus from the relentless pursuit of perfection to the present moment with their child. By taking a beat to truly “see” our children—observing their body language, deciphering their expressions, and tuning into their emotional cues—we cultivate a deeper understanding of their needs and desires. It’s a profound act of connection, one that transcends the rigid confines of shoulds and fosters authentic relationships built on empathy and understanding.

STEP 3 – START

Armed with a renewed sense of clarity and presence, parents can now embark on the journey of calm parenting—a journey free from the shackles of shoulds and infused with the liberating spirit of spontaneity and flexibility. Instead of adhering to a rigid playbook of prescribed shoulds, parents are encouraged to embrace the unknown, to trust their instincts, and to respond to their child’s needs in real-time. It’s an invitation to parent from a place of authenticity—to be present, responsive and attuned to the ever-evolving needs of our children.

In the realm of calm parenting, there are no one-size-fits-all solutions or cookie-cutter approaches. Instead, there is the freedom to embrace the beautiful messiness of parenthood—to celebrate the imperfections, to learn from our mistakes and to grow alongside our children with grace and humility.

At its core, calm parenting is about fostering joy—in our children, in ourselves and in the precious moments we share together. It’s about savouring the simple pleasures of parenthood—the laughter, the cuddles, the shared adventures—and finding beauty in the everyday chaos.

As we navigate the tumultuous seas of parenthood, let us remember the wisdom of Alison Escalante’s Three Steps to Calm Parenting: to sigh, to see and to start anew with each passing moment.