“Have you seen the girl who lives in flat number 420?”
“Not once! She never comes out…”
…
I’ve heard such things about me a lot of time. One of the many reasons I am afraid to go out.
I always try to improve my situation but it rarely has any effect.
~~
Ding~
I heard the bell ring. It was quite a shock, I never order anything off the internet, and no one comes to visit me either.
My anxiety kicked in, and I decided to not open the door.
~~
The bell rang again today.
I was actually feeling okay, so I went out to check.
“Hi there! I rang your bell yesterday… but I think you weren’t at home. I’m your new neighbour! Hope we get along.” The girl in front of me said.
I was peeking from the door, trying to get myself to say something but I couldn’t find my voice.
She caught on, “Ah, please don’t feel uncomfortable. I heard it from others… about your disorder.”
But that just made me even more uncomfortable. I started sweating, and got dizzy.
~~
I woke up, covered in sweat.
Looking around, I realized I wasn’t at home.
The girl from earlier suddenly came in, “Oh, you woke up! I was making some soup for you,” She put down a bowl and a spoon on the bed I was lying on. “Be careful, it’s hot.”
She sat down. There was silence between us.
Just when I wished the silence wouldn’t end, she spoke again, “You see… My brother has had it too… I understand how you feel, so please don’t worry.”
Somehow, I didn’t really feel anxious anymore.
~~
I realized I got along well with my neighbour.
We even went out for a walk, though it was pretty late at night- when no one was around.
~~
It was this one ordinary day, I was at home.
I heard an ear-bleeding scream.
My first instinct was to lock myself in the room and hide, but I realized who the voice belonged to.
Scurrying to the window, I saw a lot of people surrounding my neighbour’s house.
Looking carefully, I recognized a fire.
“Why aren’t they calling for help?” I wondered, looking at the crowd that had gathered.
I had to do something- the fire was small at that moment, but it could spread any minute.
I had done a major in Emergency Management back when I was in college. But my social anxiety disorder hadn’t erupted then. I had perfected how to extinguish a fire all by myself.
I had to do what was right. My neighbour helped me feel so much better. Shouldn’t I pay her back?
My breath hitched, but I kept going down the stairs.
Maybe this is how I could overcome my anxiety. Maybe I too can start small, be brave and improve.