Why kids should witness negative emotions

In the balancing act that is parenting, there’s a sweet spot between shielding kids from negativity and letting them peek into life’s emotional rollercoaster. Surprisingly, recent studies in psychology suggest that good parenting involves letting children witness negative emotions like anger and frustration. According to a study by Karnilowicz et al. (2018), it’s crucial for children to see healthy conflict resolution and emotional processing within the family dynamic.

Many of us parents possess the natural urge to shield our little ones from life’s storms. But research shows that this approach might not always be the best for children’s emotional growth.

Kids are little emotional detectives. They can sniff out tension quicker than you can say “hide and seek.” Even if we try to keep conflicts under wraps, children often pick up on the vibe. And when they sense trouble but see no resolution, it can leave them feeling like they’re playing detective in a mystery novel with no ending—unsettled and anxious.

Psychologists argue that exposing kids to healthy conflict and its resolution can be a cornerstone of good parenting. When done right, witnessing conflicts can teach kids about communication, empathy, and the art of keeping cool under pressure.

One of the biggest benefits of letting kids see negative emotions is that it normalises the ebb and flow of feelings. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, and knowing how to navigate stormy seas is a skill worth learning. When children see us deal with anger or sadness in a healthy way, it teaches them that it’s okay to feel those emotions and that they can ride them out like waves.

So, how can parents model processing emotions in a way that even our little ones can understand?

Name That Feeling: Encourage children to express their emotions openly. Let them know it’s okay to feel all the feels. When they’re upset or angry, help them put a name to what they’re feeling so they can understand it better.

Talk it Out: When conflicts bubble up (and they will), use them as teaching moments. Show your kids how to talk through problems calmly and respectfully. Teach them the magic words: “I feel…,” “I need…,” “Let’s find a solution together.”

Stay Zen: Managing our own emotions is half the battle. Kids look to us for cues on how to handle life’s curveballs. Practise deep breathing, take a time-out when you need it, and show them that it’s okay to hit the emotional pause button.

Emotions are everywhere, from the breakfast table to bedtime stories. Use everyday moments to teach your kids about emotional intelligence. Whether it’s a spat with a friend or a disappointment at school, show them how to handle life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience.

When conflicts arise, model respectful communication and problem-solving strategies. Encourage active listening, empathy, and compromise. Show children that conflicts can be resolved without resorting to aggression or hostility.

By creating a safe space where feelings are welcomed and conflicts are seen as opportunities for growth, we equip our children with the tools they need to navigate life’s twists and turns. So, let’s embrace the messiness of emotions and show children that even in the stormiest seas, there’s always a lighthouse guiding the way. Happy parenting!