A parent’s guide to recognising and addressing big feelings in children

Navigating children’s emotional outbursts is fundamental to parenting, building a foundation for resilience when facing highs and lows later in life. It can be a complex journey as children may find it challenging to express their feelings clearly. It’s important to learn how to recognise and manage big emotions in children, to promote healthy expression.

Children, particularly the very young ones, may lack the vocabulary to articulate their emotions clearly. Parents should be vigilant in noticing behavioural changes, such as separation anxiety, alterations in eating habits and heightened tantrums, which can indicate underlying stress or emotional turmoil.

Acknowledging and validating their emotional experiences are pivotal in encouraging two-way communication. Providing reassurance, identifying the emotion, and teaching coping mechanisms like deep breathing can assist children in navigating their feelings constructively. Addressing big emotions promptly not only prevents escalation but also deepens the bond between parent and child.

A guide for parents

Take a deep breath: Look at your child who may be acting up and before you start to chastise, count to 10 and breathe! Remind yourself why you’re doing this: to support your child through their emotional journey. Take a moment to centre yourself, be mindful before you respond.

Respond, not react: The goal is to create a safe emotional space by showing empathy and verbal reassurance. Give a hug, put your arm around their shoulder and adopt a soothing tone to convey a sense of security.

Reserve judgement: Don’t be dismissive of your child’s emotions. Encourage open dialogue by acknowledging their perspective. For instance, if your child expresses frustration over a toy being taken, you might say, “It seems like you’re upset because your sister took your toy without asking.”

Don’t assume, ask: Ensure that your responses accurately reflect your child’s emotions. Invite clarification and delve deeper if necessary. If your child expresses sadness over a friend’s comment, you might ask, “Are you hurt by what your friend said? Or is it something else?”

Teach them to dig deeper: Encourage further exploration and engage in problem-solving when appropriate. For instance, if your child is upset about a disappointing school grade, you might say, “It sounds like you’re disappointed with your grade. Let’s talk about how we can improve together.”

Be in the solution mode: Facilitate collaborative problem-solving while empowering your child to explore solutions independently. Encourage brainstorming and offer guidance as needed. For instance, if your child is struggling with sharing toys, you might suggest taking turns or finding alternative activities to enjoy together.

By recognising and responding to big feelings with empathy and understanding, parents play a crucial role in nurturing their child’s emotional intelligence. Creating a supportive environment where emotions are acknowledged and valued fosters resilience, strengthens relationships and promotes healthy emotional development in children.

In a world where emotional intelligence is increasingly recognised as a vital skill for success and well-being, equipping children with the tools to understand and manage their emotions from a young age sets a solid foundation for the future.