How to respond to uncomfortable questions from kids

Being a parent comes with countless joys and challenges, and one of those challenges is handling the myriad of questions that young kids throw our way. Sometimes, their curiosity leads to questions that make us squirm, laugh nervously, or stumble for the right words.

However, children are naturally curious beings. Their questions are a way for them to understand the world around them. According to Warren Berger, author of “A More Beautiful Question”, children between the ages of 2 and 5 ask about 40,000 questions during that period. These questions are not just random; they reflect their growing awareness and need to make sense of their environment.

Age-Appropriate Honesty

The key to responding to uncomfortable questions is to be honest while considering your child’s age and level of understanding. Tailor your answers to be age-appropriate, ensuring they get the information they need without being overwhelmed.

Example 1: Questions About Death

When a child asks, “What happens when we die?” it can be tempting to avoid the topic. Instead, try a simple, comforting explanation. For a young child, you might say, “When people die, their bodies stop working, and they don’t feel any pain anymore. We remember them and keep them in our hearts.” This approach acknowledges the question without delving into complex details they might not yet understand.

Example 2: Questions About Birth

If your child asks, “Where do babies come from?” it’s crucial to provide a truthful yet simple explanation. For a preschooler, you could say, “Babies grow in a special place inside their mommy called the uterus.” As they get older, you can provide more details. This method keeps the door open for future, more detailed conversations as they mature.

Use Stories and Analogies

Sometimes, using stories or analogies can help explain complex or uncomfortable topics in a way that is relatable to children. For instance, if a child is asking about why people have different skin colours, you might compare humanity to a box of crayons, where every colour is unique and beautiful. This not only answers the question but also teaches a valuable lesson about diversity and acceptance.

Encouraging Follow-Up Questions

Encourage your child to ask follow-up questions. This not only ensures they understood your initial explanation but also promotes ongoing dialogue. If your child asks, “Why do some people get sick?” After a discussion about illness, take it as an opportunity to dive deeper. “Sometimes, tiny germs get into our bodies and make us sick, but our bodies are good at fighting them off most of the time.”

Admitting When You Don’t Know

It’s perfectly okay to admit when you don’t know the answer to a question. This can be a great way to teach your child about the importance of lifelong learning. You might say, “That’s a really good question. I’m not sure of the answer, but let’s look it up together.” This not only satisfies their curiosity but also models how to find reliable information.

Staying Calm and Composed

Children often take cues from their parents on how to react to certain topics. If you respond with discomfort or avoidance, they might feel the topic is taboo. Staying calm and composed helps normalise the conversation. For example, if a child asks about body parts or bodily functions, respond straightforwardly. “Yes, boys and girls have different parts. It’s part of what makes us special.”

Answering uncomfortable questions from young kids is undeniably challenging, but it’s also a valuable opportunity. By addressing their queries with honesty, sensitivity, and clarity, you not only satisfy their curiosity but also build a foundation of trust and open communication. Remember, it’s okay to be imperfect. What matters most is your willingness to engage and support your child’s journey of understanding the world.