Empowering Your Child: A guide to dealing with bullying

Bullying is an unfortunate reality that many children face during their school years. As a parent, it’s natural to be concerned about your child’s well-being and safety. While you may not always be able to shield them from the harsh realities of the world, you can equip them with the tools and resilience needed to face bullying head-on.

It’s crucial to understand that bullying can take various forms. It’s not limited to physical aggression; it can be verbal, emotional, or even cyberbullying. Recognising these forms is the first step in addressing the issue. Encourage your child to open up about their experiences and assure them that you’re there to listen without judgment.

According to Dharini Sahni, PGT Psychology and School Counsellor at Apeejay School, Pitampura, the first sign that you realise your boundaries have been broken – both emotionally and physically – is when you frequently compromise on those boundaries.

“Let’s take an instance. Someone may use a name or phrase that you don’t like, and you express your discomfort, but they continue to use it. This is an instance where your emotional and potentially physical boundaries are being violated, but you may not take action to address it. This is the initial stage where boundaries are being affected,” Sahni said.

Second, when a child starts to show a decline in assertiveness. The child may have previously been more vocal about their feelings but now hesitates to express themselves. When it comes to bullying, children often struggle to speak up about their experiences, citing embarrassment or reluctance to share, Sahni opined.

“An increase in conformity in behaviour is also an indication that boundaries are being crossed. In situations where someone doesn’t feel respected in a group or can’t express themselves freely, they may conform excessively to fit in or avoid conflict. This conformity can be particularly prominent in cases of bullying, where individuals may endure mistreatment to avoid confrontation,” Sahni said and stressed that these signs are important for children to understand, and the concept of maintaining boundaries becomes more crucial as they enter their teenage years.

Sahni shared another example that can be construed as an act of bullying. “If you wear specs and someone calls you ‘chashmish’. You express your feelings on this name-calling. But it continues. In most cases when we talk of crossing boundaries, we refer to physical ones. But in a majority of the cases, it is verbal. Any act that you don’t approve of or give consent to – verbally, non-verbally, and physically – but continues to happen means your boundaries are being broken,” Sahni said.

Some more common signs that your child may be the target of bullying

Sudden mood swings: Your child may exhibit abrupt changes in mood, such as becoming unusually withdrawn, anxious, or depressed.

Irritability: They might become easily agitated or irritable, often without apparent reasons.

Emotional outbursts: Frequent emotional outbursts or crying spells could indicate underlying distress.

Social withdrawal: If your child starts avoiding social situations, friends, or activities they once enjoyed, it could be a sign of bullying.

Reluctance to attend school: Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to school, often accompanied by vague complaints of not feeling well, is a significant red flag.

Changes in sleep or eating habits: Bullying can disrupt sleep patterns or lead to changes in appetite, causing sleep disturbances or sudden weight loss or gain.

Isolation: Your child may isolate themselves, spending more time alone and less time with family or friends.

Decline in academic performance: A sudden drop in grades or academic performance may be an indication of bullying-related stress and distraction.

Unexplained injuries: Bruises, cuts, or other physical injuries that your child cannot explain or that are inconsistent with their explanations may be signs of bullying.

Frequent illness: Stress from bullying can weaken the immune system, making your child more susceptible to frequent illnesses.

Loss of friends: If your child loses friends or is suddenly excluded from social groups, it could be due to bullying or social manipulation.

Reluctance to discuss friends: They may become hesitant to talk about their friends or social interactions.

Expressing fear: Your child may express fear or anxiety about going to school, walking to school, or specific classmates.

Low self-esteem: Bullying can erode self-esteem, leading your child to express negative thoughts about themselves.

From a parent’s perspective, it’s essential to watch for any significant shifts in a child’s behaviour. “Whether positive or negative, changes in behaviour can signal underlying issues. For instance, your child is an introvert but suddenly he/she comes to you and wants to know if certain clothes are looking good. Any change in the fundamental behaviour of the child should be taken as a red flag,” Sahni said.

One of the most effective ways to support your child is by maintaining open lines of communication, Sahni shared. “Create a safe and non-judgmental space where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings and experiences. Encourage them to talk about their day, their friends, and any challenges they may be facing. Sometimes, a simple conversation can reveal signs of bullying that might otherwise go unnoticed,” Sahni said.

Bullying can erode a child’s self-esteem and confidence. As a parent, it’s essential to instill resilience in your child. Encourage them to pursue their interests and hobbies, where they can excel and build self-confidence. Enrolling them in extracurricular activities or sports can be an excellent way to boost self-esteem and provide a sense of belonging outside of school.

“While open communication is vital, children don’t always share their experiences willingly. Be vigilant for signs that your child may be a victim of bullying. These signs can include a sudden reluctance to go to school, a drop in academic performance, mood swings, changes in eating habits, or withdrawal from social activities. If you notice any of these signs, it’s essential to address the issue promptly,” Sahni said in conclusion.