Why school memories shape our emotional intelligence as adults

When we think about school memories, we often recall the firsts: the first friend, the first competition, the first big win or the first time we stumbled and had to pick ourselves up.

These moments do more than make us nostalgic. They form the building blocks of emotional intelligence (EI): the ability to understand and manage our own emotions, and to relate to the emotions of others.

Understanding Ourselves

School is the first place where children navigate a social world beyond their family. They encounter new personalities, face challenges, and experience the full range of emotions – from pride and excitement to disappointment and frustration.

Through these experiences, students learn self-awareness: recognising what they feel and why they feel it. This skill, honed early, is invaluable for navigating adult relationships and workplace dynamics.

Emotional intelligence thrives on empathy, and school memories are full of it – helping a classmate who forgot their homework, comforting a friend after a loss, or celebrating someone else’s win even when you wished it were yours.

Sanskriti Singh, an alumna of Apeejay School, Nerul, recalls, “Some of my most meaningful school memories were about understanding others, knowing when a friend needed support or learning to listen without judging. Those lessons have helped me in every phase of life.”

From playground disputes to group project disagreements, school offers countless opportunities to learn conflict resolution. Students figure out when to compromise, when to stand firm, and how to repair relationships after a clash. These are the very skills adults rely on to maintain healthy personal and professional connections.

Resilience Through Setbacks

Not every memory is a happy one, but even disappointments like losing a match or receiving harsh feedback help build resilience. Learning to handle failure without losing confidence is one of the most critical aspects of emotional intelligence.

As adults, we draw on our emotional intelligence in nearly every interaction. The patience to hear someone out, the empathy to see things from another perspective, the self-control to respond thoughtfully, many of these capacities are rooted in experiences from our school days.

Our report cards may fade, but our emotional skill set, shaped by those formative memories, stays with us for life.