10 statements to calm your child and get them talking

Understanding and responding to the rollercoaster of emotions that children experience is both an art and a science, requiring patience, empathy and unwavering support. Parents play a pivotal role as guides, providing a safe harbour for their children to explore, express and understand their feelings.

Here are some statements that can help to calm a child and encourage them to start talking:

“I’m here for you.”

Letting them know that you are there to support them no matter what can provide comfort and a sense of security. It encourages them to open up about their feelings.

“It’s okay to feel upset. I’m listening.”

By acknowledging that it’s normal to feel upset sometimes, you let them know that their feelings are valid and worthy of attention. Assuring them that you are ready to listen without judgement creates a safe space for them to express themselves.

“What are some words that describe how you’re feeling?”

Encouraging a child to think of words to describe how they’re feeling helps them develop emotional awareness and communication skills. It prompts them to reflect on their internal experiences and articulate their emotions, which fosters self-expression, self-awareness, and the ability to communicate their feelings effectively to others.

“Take a deep breath with me. In, and out.”

Deep breathing is a simple yet effective technique for calming both the mind and body. Encouraging a child to take deep breaths with you can help regulate their emotions and reduce feelings of stress or anxiety. By modelling the behaviour yourself, you demonstrate the technique and provide a calming presence for the child to follow.

“Would you like a hug? Sometimes hugs make us feel better.”

Physical touch can be incredibly comforting during times of distress. Offering a hug gives the child a tangible expression of your love and support. Hugs release oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone”, which can help alleviate feelings of sadness or anxiety. Giving the child the option to receive a hug empowers them to choose what makes them feel most comfortable and supported.

“You can tell me anything. I’m here to help you feel better.”

Providing reassurance that you are there to help and support them can encourage a child to open up about what’s bothering them. By emphasising that they can trust you with their thoughts and feelings, you create an atmosphere of openness and understanding. Assure them that whatever they share will be met with empathy and support, fostering a strong bond of trust between you and the child.

“Let’s take a break together and do something you enjoy. What would you like to do?”

Offering a distraction or a change of scenery can help shift the child’s focus away from their distress and create a more relaxed atmosphere. By suggesting an activity they enjoy, you provide an opportunity for them to engage in something positive and uplifting.

“Sometimes talking about what’s bothering us can make us feel better. Would you like to share with me?”

By highlighting the therapeutic nature of conversation, you encourage the child to express themselves verbally. Offering a listening ear and creating a non-judgmental space for them to share encourages emotional expression and fosters trust in the parent-child relationship.

“It’s okay if you need some time alone to calm down. I’ll be right outside if you want to talk.”

Respecting the child’s need for space and autonomy is important in allowing them to regulate their emotions in their own way. By acknowledging their feelings and giving them the option to be alone if they prefer, you empower them to manage their emotions while still providing the reassurance of your presence.

“I love you, and we’ll figure this out together. You’re not alone.”

Affirming your love and support for the child reinforces the strength of your bond and provides a sense of security during challenging moments. Reminding them that you are a team and that you’ll work through difficulties together instils confidence and resilience in the child.

These statements aim to convey empathy, reassurance, and support to an upset child, creating a safe and nurturing environment for them to express their emotions and begin the process of healing.